Glove & Grace

Some couples work together. Some couples travel together. Other couples [enter your activity here ] together. My husband and I? We “baseball” together. Our weekends for the past 15 years have been spent at the baseball diamond – coaching (for him), spectating, scorekeeping – and everything in between. But, it wasn’t always that way. Our baseball “togetherness” evolved over time. And it started, for the most part, when we became Little League^® volunteers.

I didn’t start this article with my marriage in mind. In fact, it was more about the benefits of volunteering for Little League (there are many!). In sharing different reasons, I found that most of my “reasons” ended up being beneficial for my marriage and relationship with my husband – building bonds, community involvement and being a positive role model. Doing something together naturally made us closer. Doing something together that benefited our community? Even better…

If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em

When our oldest son, AK, was old enough to play Little League, my husband could not WAIT to get involved. He started his 10+ year Little League volunteer run with just coaching. Taking learnings from his past coaches, including his Dad, he jumped right in and gained a reputation for winning but more importantly for developing players, writing detailed, play-by-play emails that highlighted the positive in every player, instructional practices that included multiple stations and lengthy but loving post-game chats. He read coaching books, he studied techniques and if anyone had a question about Little League’s “little green book”, he likely knew the answer. After one season, he was quickly recruited to join the board as Equipment Manager which eventually led to Vice President. During this time, I was usually on “mom” duty — changing diapers, figuring out dinners, washing uniforms and running after our youngest to make sure he didn’t charge the field or run after bunnies and lizards.

Unlike my husband who had a passion for coaching and was quick to make the time, the start of my volunteering in youth baseball didn’t really start altruistically. Between juggling a job, taking care of our young sons, figuring out a way to get some me-time and trying to find time for an occasional date night, the thought of adding “volunteer” to our already busy schedule seemed next to impossible and definitely absurd. But, one night while I was getting the boys ready for bed and he was attending a board meeting after already having coached a game, I realized this “baseball thing” was likely going to be around for some time. I’m not sure if it was jealousy over the adult conversation he was likely having or if I thought the best way to snag some time together would be by volunteering, but either way, when he got home, I asked what the league needed and if there was a way I could contribute beyond my typical snack-shack duties. 

And so it began…

Before too long, I joined the board as a committee member and used my strengths to help with sponsorships, marketing and special events. Together with the rest of the Board, we worked on creating efficient, repeatable systems, processes and SOPs that could be implemented each year for tryouts, opening day, sponsorship, playoffs, All-Stars and more; we raised money to improve the fields; increased local media coverage to highlight the umpire program, an All-Star female pitcher and bring awareness to field conditions; we developed skills clinics for both players and youth umpires; formed relationships with our cross-town Little League rivals to make inter-league play was a positive experience for players, coaches and fans. And, because a babysitter was required while we were attending board meetings, we used our time wisely and usually squeezed a date night out of it. As our responsibilities grew on the field, our relationship strengthened at home. 

Pitching In: Giving Back to the Community

According to a study in the Journal of Happiness, people who volunteer are happier, have better mental health and better social connections. This was definitely evident in our lives. As we continued to volunteer in Little League, it was obvious that we were benefiting not only as a couple but also as individuals. Volunteering gave us a bigger purpose and helped feed our passion for creating a positive culture in youth athletics that hopefully expanded beyond the diamond. Having both been athletes, we each had the desire to create a culture that fostered healthy competition among teammates and encouraged a sense of teamwork and camaraderie among parents.

As an extrovert, I LOVED the people part of giving back – making new friends, meeting their families and learning people’s stories. Having moved from the Midwest to Southern California, we were living in a “new” community and volunteering allowed us to connect with like-minded people who had similar core values. It helped fill our social calendar. It helped us develop relationships with other families that we are still very close with to this day. But most importantly, it helped us work together to try and achieve something bigger than ourselves, something good for our community and to foster a positive environment where kids could thrive. 

Guiding the Game: Being a Positive Role Model

One of the benefits of volunteering for Little League (and beyond) for our relationship was watching each other grow as community members, parents and spouses. What always makes my heart flutter a little faster is watching my husband coach –seeing him in his element, exercising his passion and being a positive role model for his players, coaches and parents. While coaching, he always made an effort to create a culture in and out of the dugout that made games pleasurable and fun to attend. I loved watching my husband not only teach and instruct kids on how to play the game positively but also communicate with his fellow coaches and parents about the importance of staying positive. For all of the teams he coached, he reminded parents frequently that he expected a positive dugout and sideline. Rarely would you see his athletes’ parents leaning on the fence barking at their kids or yelling at the umpires. Instead, you were likely to see parents supporting kids like their own and minding their manners in the bleachers. A man of high integrity, he often taught kids about the importance of doing the right thing when nobody’s looking mattered and is the best way to live. There was nothing better than hearing, “Coach PK is the best” when sitting in the stands. He positively impacted others and I’d argue that every one of those Little League teams that we had the pleasure of being a part of did the same for our family.

I would go as far to say that volunteering and coaching made my husband an even better father. He has always been a fun-loving, patient dad but as a coach, he worked with all kinds of kids and quickly learned that no two are alike. Seeing him show compassion, express empathy and understanding toward his players and their parents was never lost by me – or my sons.I always admired his approach in communicating and caring for his players. Long after his last Little League game, when our oldest son left for college, he left a letter and took the time to write about how my husband, my youngest son and I had impacted his life. I expected the section about my husband to be mostly about baseball – but it wasn’t. Anticipating this thought, my son made a point to say that while everything he learned about baseball was from my husband, he learned more about life by just watching my husband “be a good man.” He mentioned that by watching my husband be caring, compassionate and non-judgemental toward others over the years, he tried to live this way and would literally think, in difficult situations, “How would Dad handle this?” As a parent, there’s nothing more gratifying than finding out that the things you were doing to hopefully influence your children actually made an impact. 

Some may argue that there are better ways to strengthen a marriage – and I don’t necessarily disagree. But for my husband and our relationship, volunteering was just the beginning of helping us create a bond that has lived well beyond the final pitch of our sons’ last Little League game. With Little League around the corner, I encourage you to grab your partner’s hand, put your names in the hat and see where you can help this baseball season. Hopefully, like us, you’ll find that volunteering for Little League isn’t just giving back—it’s gaining a whole lot in return. And, who knows – it may end up as a date night!